The Funny Sorts of Blessings

I've sort of shied away lately from sharing anything TOO personal on this blog, but I'm going to be completely honest this time...and then probably revert to only half-revealing things again. It's just one of those times when I'm in an introspective mood. (on a side note, if I made this blog private, how much trouble would that be for everyone? I've toyed with the idea before but ultimately didn't do it because I thought it would be too much trouble for people)

Anyhow, today marks a very important day because today, I am 37 weeks pregnant. I say that like I'm high risk, but I'm not really. More like high-er risk.

As most people may already know, I have a uterine anomaly known as "uterine didelphys" or more commonly referred to as a double uterus. What that means is exactly what it sounds like, I have two uteri. And two cervices. And so as many people point out, I could technically have two babies with due dates only months apart. Yes, I'm a freak. It's ok, I'm ok with myself. =P

I've known about the condition since I was 14 and that is really where my blessing start because I didn't have to go through the pain of not knowing for so long why I couldn't carry a pregnancy or other potential complications. (The other blessing being that I haven't had to endure that up to this point.)

As most people once again may know, I have gone through this pregnancy virtually symptomless. I still laugh that I used the pregnancy test out of sheer boredom one day rather than a suspicion that I was pregnant. (imagine my surprise when it was positive). This isn't something I particularly like to talk about because I feel bad telling other women that I feel fine when most people wouldn't;  I also felt affronted in those first few weeks when I was mentally freaking out because I had no symptoms and I knew I had this condition and everyone told me how lucky I was. I try to tell people that it evens out and either you're hugging the toilet, or you're crying yourself to sleep every night because you aren't sure that everything is ok.

I was sure to find a doctor who had a lot of experience behind him because I knew that it was important to have someone that understood my condition. I keep calling it a condition, like I'm ailing, but I don't know what else to call it. Luckily, the doctor I chose was knowledgeable and even though I got into a big clinic, I've had little to complain about in how they all take care of me. The only concerns with my condition, given that I was healthy, were a risk of preterm labor and breech presentation but they saw no reason to believe that I wouldn't at least make it to the third trimester.

I reached the third trimester shortly after school started and I expected to start slowing down. I worried about what might happen if I went into pre-term labor in the middle of the semester. I knew it would mean a NICU stay (which I was SURE we couldn't afford) and I probably would have to drop out of school without finishing. But I continued on and was surprised to find that I didn't have to slow down much at all...in fact I took on more because I got called as the YW secretary. (I had no idea how much work that calling would be!)

The doctors kept looking for signs of pre-term labor and when Andrew went out of town for a job interview he was a little worried that I might go into labor while he was gone. That weekend came and went and I just kept counting the milestones and the kicks. As we passed week 35 I breathed a sigh of relief but kept monitoring for any signs at all that something was happening.

Today, I'm 37 weeks pregnant. I'm having a baby on December 2nd by C-section because as they feared, she hasn't, and most likely can't, turn head-down. She could come any day now but I haven't had a single contraction, not even braxton hicks contractions and so I don't foresee her coming early. That gives me time to finish up my papers and get things in order before school ends.

When I say I'm having a c-section I get a lot of pity from people, but I'm really grateful. So, at the end of this very long post, I'm going to tell you why I'm grateful.

1. Knowing about the higher possibility of C-section since age 14 has allowed me to mentally prepare for this. I'm not disappointed, and I'd prefer no one be disappointed for me. I'm not really even scared...yet. Maybe I will be eventually.

2. Though I've never carried a baby head-down obviously, I am almost sure that the fact that she's breech is what has allowed me to keep my energy levels and activity levels up. I can still walk up the hill every day to school (even if I do it unhappily =P), go to mutual, go to work, make dinner (most nights), and attend classes. I can even focus unless the baby has the hiccups...then I don't pay attention.

3. Because I've been able to go to work, I have continued to be able to supplement our income. Money is as tight as it will always be for college students and to be honest, the thought of getting pregnant during school took a lot of faith...and our faith was tried through the whole pregnancy.

4. I'm extremely grateful that I live in a time when I don't have to worry that she's breech. C-sections are, for better or worse, rather routine and it is a low-risk surgery, really.

5. Because I'll be having a C-section, I don't have to worry that she'll come late and that I won't be able to take finals. I should be ok enough by then to have someone drive me to campus so I can sit for an hour to take each of my finals.

6. Since the hospital stay for a c-section is longer, my parents are delaying coming up. This effectively means that I'll have nurses for 4 days, a day by myself (and Andrew of course), then my mom for a week followed by my mother-in-law for a week. Previously there would have been an entire week between my mom coming and my mother-in-law coming.

Some other blessings that are slightly unrelated to the C-section are that Andrew did get that job he went to interview for and so in June, we'll be earning money again just as savings runs out. I'm having this baby before school gets out so my insurance coverage won't change. And just recently, Andrew and I have both received callings in the ward that allow us to really get to know people. As a result, even though I have never been to Relief Society in this ward, I feel like I have a huge network of support after the baby comes.

 When I look back on everything I'm absolutely floored at how the Lord has been right beside us every step of the way and helped us in ways that I couldn't have even imagined or asked for.

So really, what was supposed to be an explanation of why I feel like a C-section is the best thing in the world rather than a disappointing end to something that was supposed to be beautiful, has now turned into a literal map of all the ways we've been blessed through this journey.

And now because I'm pregnant, I'm crying. That's what they blame it on in Relief Society, right? =P